When the Seeker Begins to Find

There was a time when I proudly called myself a Seeker. It felt like belonging to a secret club that only the awakened had access to.

Seeking felt sacred, alive, and very necessary in order to help me move out of the ordinary and the Matrix too.

I was hungry for truth about the Divine, about myself as a soul, and about how to live my life more “spiritually”. 

I read books, so many books… attended workshops, explored different spiritual teachings, followed synchronicities, longed for manifestation, and opened myself to experiences that stretched my understanding of reality. 

All before the age of 24.

It was a relief to do all of that, to have those breaks from life’s more 3D/daily concerns. To feel justified in my desire to build a meaningful life.

Seeking was a way to ride the waves of awakening that sometimes sparked self-righteousness and spiritual ego.

But eventually I began to notice that no matter what I found, part of me was still searching, aching, suffering. There was no particular answer that truly answered the pain I couldn’t always name.

There was always another teacher, another modality.

Another retreat (that I often couldn’t afford, especially at such a young age).

Another breakthrough waiting just around the corner if I “did the work”.

The promise was always the same:

“This next thing will finally give me what I’ve been looking for.”

And that did work for a while.

I’d go back into life, into work, feeling inspired, expanded, certain that something profound had shifted and that my life was going to shift in the direction of ALL of my dreams.

But then, it didn’t really. 

My old struggles with money, relationships, grief, uncertainty, heavy and intense emotional triggers returned.

And before long, the pull toward the next experience, book, teaching that would change my life called to me. 

Parts of me had such intense longing for truth, for the Divine…

For Home. 

Sometimes the seeker in us becomes so devoted to searching that they never allow themselves to discover they may already be standing in the doorway of what they’ve been seeking.

Or, that they truly do have the answers within. That the reasons why the latest coaching module didn’t launch me into a six-figure entrepreneurship or the latest workshop didn’t actually change my life wasn’t because any part of me was broken, but was because they knew on some level it wasn’t resonant. 

Instead, it was strain, chasing dangling carrots and trying to “get over” reactions within that actually needed to be validated.

What eventually changed was my relationship to the search itself.

At some point, I stopped looking for the next thing and began going deeper with what had already found me.

This work and soul family we call “Divine Self Embodiment” today used to go by a different name, and I was there, at 24 years old, at its inception. 

This meant that I shifted from seeking to finding, and from being a Seeker to being a Founder. 

The questions parts of me were asking about themselves began to amplify but my ability to respond to them was growing and actively supported. 

Instead of chasing another opening, I became interested in deepening. I became captivated by how love wanted to move me, and how the Divine is truly infinitely benevolent and compassionate.

The shifts within have sometimes been subtle, but as a result, much more sustainable.

I started to feel a much deeper relationship with myself, with the Divine, and with the places within me that had been longing to come home all along.

I still honor the Seeker. It’s such a vital phase of awakening beyond the scaffold of your life.

Yet the shadow of this part of you, the place where suffering continues despite all the searching, is also important to acknowledge.

It’s that shadow that keeps the motor running instead of arriving at a resting place, that chases instead of being truly met, that feels that love needs to be earned by living into some standard of an abundant life that would mean true success and the end of suffering.

What if the deepest longing underneath all of this seeking is not for another answer, but for the experience of no longer needing to chase one?

The Seeker in me, in you, has never been wrong. They’ve been trying to bring you home.

They just don’t always realize that home has already been searching for them too.

Love,

Kasha ***

Kasha Rosa is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, Divine Self Embodiment Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.divineselfembodiment.com for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.