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Divine Self Embodiment

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Under The Bloated Banyan: Our Sacred Union Journey From False Light To True Love
By Raphael & Jelelle Awen

"Our story begins in a group that we were eventually ‘kicked out of’, but in truth, it was life, love and the Divine itself that ‘kicked’ us out.

What we left with, largely unbeknownst to us at the time, was a Christ child, in embryonic form gestating in our bond. We took it from the light side of the egregore/usness of the beloved group we were a part of. It was like a baton that was passed on to us. We also took a great wound with us that would challenge us and lay our hearts bare, and eventually reveal a much deeper calling.

This story is a great revealing for me of a much deeper heart and soul calling to own and inhabit my own calling. I was allowed to feel and experience so much during these four years covered in this book, that I believe will be part of a key awakening for the men and women who resonate, who share this same calling, who share this same soul family lineage."

about Under The Bloated Banyan, Raphael Awen




True love often requires making difficult choices and giving up anything false that gets in the way. 


Marvin Vriend (Raphael Awen) and Jillian Tydeman (Jelelle Awen) seemingly come from two different worlds. Marvin is a conservative, decades-long, dedicated Christian in what he feels to be a lifelong marriage commitment to his first wife with two daughters. Jillian is a professional business coach manager, divorced, single mother, and much more alternative in her approach to spirituality and life.

Their worlds begin to intersect through E-Myth, the coaching business where Jillian works and Marvin is a client in the coaching program. They are both introduced by Nathan, Jillian’s co-worker and Marvin’s coach, to an alternative spirituality and emotional healing group based in Ashland, Oregon led by a charismatic leader named Daniel.

Their worlds begin to collide as they both join the dynamic, exclusive, and transformative world of the group. Jillian finds healing traction with the ‘parts work’ aspects of the work, newly discovered connection with ‘Maker’ or God, community connections, and sessions. She gets drawn in deeper and deeper to the inner circle once she moves to Ashland to be near Daniel and become a facilitator of the group’s process.

As Marvin leaves his long-term marriage, he has already broken off with the Christian Church and has thinning bonds with his daughters, Christian friends, and family. He becomes more deeply engaged in the group’s process of emotional body enlightenment (EBE) through monthly travels to Ashland from his home in Canada to attend individual sessions, seminars (including in Germany), and men’s groups. 

Both remain in the group over the next few years with Marvin bringing unrequited attractions to Jillian a couple of times, even when she is serving as his facilitator. He eventually enters into a meaningful romantic connection with one of Jillian’s close friends and Jillian undergoes a few, ultimately difficult relationships with men in the group as well.

Over time and many circumstances, both of them become more and more disillusioned with what increasingly feels like an unowned and abusive shadow in the group and share a growing concern over Daniel’s tough-love style of leadership. They also can’t ignore his years-long legacy of leaving broken hearts and devastation in former members of three previous versions of the groups that he has led, then collapsed in other cities.

Once the two finally find their way to each other in a powerful mutual attraction and desire for a relationship they are now ready to fully claim, they are faced with a painful ultimatum brought by Daniel of breaking up with each other or leaving the group.

What follows is a brave and tender journey of claiming their own sovereignty, each other, and their relationship with the Divine.

Under The Bloated Banyan is the true story of Jillian and Marvin’s experiences of falling in love within a cult, where they are forced to choose the false light ‘bloat’ of the group or choose their attraction and love for each other. Told in visceral, emotional and transparent memoir form from both of their perspectives, Marvin and Jillian share their journey over several years of giving up anything that was false in order to find and keep true love.

Published: March, 2024

Jelelle's writing from 2003-2009 and Raphael's written in 2023-2024)


Free To Be 5D: Navigating Ascension From The Inside Out
By Jelelle Awen

"I felt guidance many times over these years of service to just be myself in every way possible and to share from that place. So, that’s what I provided women in session space, bridging to them ways to also discover what being themselves actually means and to the parts of them that had other strategies, traumas, and conditionings contrary to the expression of their authentic essence.

The SoulFullHeart (now Divine Self Embodiment) Healing Process and paradigm that I offer to you and share about in this book arose out of these sessions and from my own personal process, along with those of my community as well, even as it continues to evolve with every person who shares in this offering."


Free To Be 5D, Jelelle Awen




Humanity has long been in sleepy slumber without awareness of being plugged into a Matrix control system that dominates all areas of our lives with fear-based programming. In this modern age and especially since 2012, Humanity has finally been waking up to unplug from this Matrix and remember its Divine essence as Infinite Love. This book shares a bigger picture of this catalytic phase that so many souls have come to this Earth plane to experience, witness, and support.

This is a time of ongoing Ascension of humanity from third-dimensional (3D) consciousness into transitional fourth-dimensional (4D) consciousness and into heaven-in-the-body fifth-dimensional (5D) consciousness. This is a time that brings up our greatest hopes and our greatest fears, all of which are longing to be embraced with love.


Jelelle Awen serves as a powerful yet gentle Divine Feminine and Galactic Love Ambassador bridge to awaken you to the Matrix reality and connect to the parts of your 3D Self, 4D Self, and 5D Self that most need your love and have the most gifts to offer you as well. As she has done for many souls through her writings and guided meditation transmissions and in hundreds of space-holding sessions and group call events over the years, she now offers you the guidance, insight, and inspiration in this book that have effectively helped transform the deepest traumas with love. She empowers you to activate your inner healer, channeller, and medium to connect with parts of yourself, Ascended Teachers, Galactic beings, and the Divine by providing information, messages, and resources such as journal questions and links to guided meditations. 


The truly unique and cutting edge SoulFullHeart (now Divine Self Embodiment) Process is lovingly overviewed here, with inspirational stories of Jelelle’s personal awakening journey and those of her clients woven in. The process works on both local, this-life healing levels and also in the Quantum Field of Now with Metasoul Aspects/fragments from other lifetimes, allowing for truly multidimensional transformation.


This book is not just meant to stimulate your mind, yet also to stir your soul and open your heart! You have always been Free To Be! Now, you will be activated to remember that freedom and, given the tools in this book, become truly empowered, with grace and pace, to liberate and unify all parts of you through and with love! 

Published: June, 2020
Written June, 2019 through May, 2020

Free To Be 5D Book Documentary

Free To Be 5D Testimonials

"I am finally sinking into your beautiful Free to Be 5D text, Jelelle, and I am so grateful you exist on this planet with me at this time. All of your truths and explanations are ringing true like a beautifully crafted crystalline bell! Your words echo the murmurs of my soul, and it feels so refreshing to see them in full sentence print! I am grateful for you." .


"Thank you for this gift of this book, Jelelle. Reading the words brings all that I have ever known and visualized into this conscious awareness." - 


"The book is amazing. Five stars! I love the book!" 

Laura (on Amazon)


Bliss Mess:
Wonders and Challenges of Ascension
By Jelelle Awen

"Ascension is going into the bliss mess to emerge more and more whole, complete, and sacred. The bliss aspect comes from bringing in higher dimensional frequencies of love, Unity Consciousness, and joy. Tastes of Unity Consciousness remind us of the Divine Source we came from and how connected we were in thoughts, feelings, and ideas with each other.


The mess aspects of Ascension are the decisions and choice points that happen as your soul awakens and moves into your consciousness. The mess aspects of Ascension are about the healing of the 3D Self that has been doing and being in the polarized, fear-based 3D world. The mess is identifying the protective layers that had to be created over the preciousness of your innocence, your essence as a love sponge, your heart and soul porosity."

Bliss Mess, Jelelle Awen

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​"We have been Star BEings, Oneness Consciousness, much more than we have been Human BEings. We are here to experience the Bliss Mess of feeling. The bliss mess, the highs and lows, the ups and downs, the sufferings and the joys, the tears and the laughs!"  ​

Bliss Mess: The Wonders and Challenges Of Ascension offers a new perspective on awakening to Fifth Dimensional or New Earth frequencies in a way that honors both the movements and the difficulties of this process. Ascension is the process of raising your vibrational frequency from third dimensional to higher at all levels of body, mind, soul, and heart, along with a natural process that is happening to Earth or Gaia. This process of enlovening the heart, enlightening the mind, crystalizing the body, and awakening the soul is a deep, life changing, and challenging one that we are being invited to engage with on both collective and personal levels. Finding support and guidance along the way can contribute hugely to our experience of it!


In this book, Author Jelelle Awen provides this kind of support and guidance through teachings, poetry, channeled messages, Ascension energy updates, and sharings from her personal process during Ascension and awakening for more than 15 years. Bliss Mess covers a prolific creative period for Jelelle, a six month period from June until December, 2017 in which she wrote and shared writings every day. It is a companion book to Sacred Human, Arising Wonder - which shares Jelelle's writings from January until June, 2017.  The writings in Bliss Mess provide both an expansive, very current and progressive context to the overall collective Ascension process AND an intimate window into Jelelle’s world full of multidimensional realities.


She shares from states of Kundalini awakenings that come from having galactic sex with her Sacred Union Counterpart Soulmate Raphael to Galactic Ambassadorship experiences with Pleiadian, Arcturian, Reptilian, Blue Avian Star BEing aspects and more! She introduces you to her parts work and Metasoul Aspect connection process that opens up access to previously repressed traumas and karma in your emotional body and soul from other lifetimes/timelines, leading to healing on a quantum level. It is both transcendent and practical in offering a way to navigate the Ascension process through connecting with aspects of yourself or subpersonalities.


Jelelle describes in detail how to engage in the parts work connection experience at both the 3D Self (ego) level and at the Metasoul/Other lifetime frequencies. She describes the common parts that she has connected with and seen in others such as the Inner Protector, Inner Teenager, Inner Child, Inner Punisher, Inner Mother/Father, and the fourth dimensional Gatekeeper. Working with parts as separate energies from your 'I AM' essence allows for compassionate space holding, more objectivity, less triggering and charged reactions, and ultimately integration and wholeness as the energies shift and transmute. The energies of these parts becomes unanchored from 3D reality through negotiation and inner ambassadorship, allowing for more grounded and integrated experience of 4D (and higher) consciousness states as your daily reality.


Bliss Mess invites you into a magical, radically honest, emotionally authentic, and catalytic world to discover your essence as Infinite Love in Sacred Human form!

Published: January, 2018

Written June through December, 2017

"I have really enjoyed Jelelle's new book, Bliss Mess. I am so grateful for the gift! I have been exploring and learning so much throughout the process of reading it. I especially love reflecting back on the year through her observations. Her 

openness allows me to explore my heart on a greater level. I am about 53% complete, I've made it to past the Eclipse and into September. Thank you for this beautiful reflection!!! And thank you to you, Jelelle, and your family!!!"     - Dana


Sacred Human, Arising Wonder:
Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality
By Jelelle Awen

"This writing here in what is called a ‘book’ is nonlinear. It is written and offered in passages and in moments of creative inspiration that moved through me. The ones that most call you may be 50 pages from now and NOT right now or the one that is ‘after’ this one. You’ll find what you need to most take in, in the moment. Or rather, it will find YOU. Maybe you will pick places at ‘random’ and see what you are guided to take in that would be most relevant to you in the moment. Maybe you will start from the end and work your way back to the beginning. Allow yourself to dip into what comes in the moment, not because I have offered it one after the other, but because it is where you are called to go."​

Sacred Human, Arising Wonder, Jelelle Awen

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"You are a Sacred Human. You are an arising wonder. You are becoming a fifth dimensional (5D) Human through the process of awakening and ascension along with the planetary consciousness known as Gaia (Earth). Sacred Human, Arising Wonder offers how this is a challenging time to be a Human here as so many people still live in conscious suffering even as their souls are awakening and they are having life altering spiritual experiences.


The healing, awakening, and integration of our emotional bodies WITH our souls is the place we are being invited to go at the cutting edge of our consciousness evolution as Humans who chose as souls to come and BE here during this transformative time. The ultimate purpose and reason for the ascension process is remembered as the service of love WITH others as it overflows from self love and a healthy emotional body and freed up soul."


Author Jelelle Awen offers the BIG picture of what is happening during this phase of ascension from a galactic, yet also personal perspective, which you can also apply to your daily life. Through her connection to her Higher Self, Ethereal Guides, and as a facilitator and teacher for others, she provides loving guidance to navigate as our hearts are invited to vibrate at higher Christ Consciousness frequencies of health from a mature emotional body; as our bodies transition from carbon-based to crystalline; as our souls bring awakening, illumination, meaning and purpose into our awareness; and as our minds let go of 3D conditioning/programming and expand into multidimensional thinking.


Sacred Human, Arising Wonder invites you into feeling how it is your emotional body and the congestions and wounding that remain there which can keep intact a third dimensional, conditioned, self-image based version of you who can block love and keep suffering patterns intact in your life. Undigested traumas from this life and from other lifetimes create fixed energies within your emotional body that form into distinct subpersonalities running on subconscious conditioning programs and fear-based defensiveness. Through connection and negotiation with these parts of you, these energies move, transform, and eventually integrate into your 5D Self.


The nonlinear, explorational writings in Sacred Human are both practical and transcendent, offering you guidance as you journey through the often painful, yet ultimately magical process of ascension, awakening, and enlightenment. Each section offers Jelelle’s loving, catalytic energy to invite you into expanded consciousness around the seven main areas of life: Emotional, Spiritual, Mental, Social, Physical, Financial, and Environmental. Sacred Human covers a prolific creative period for Jelelle, a six month period from January until June, 2017 in which she wrote and shared writings every day. It is a first companion book to Bliss Mess, which shares Jelelle's writings from June until December, 2017.  The writings in Bliss Mess provide both an expansive, very current and progressive context to the overall collective Ascension process AND an intimate window into Jelelle’s world full of multidimensional realities.


This book also provides writings about love, sacred femininity, and sacred union with self and your sacred union mate, plus guided meditations to raise your vibrational frequency, clean your chakras, connect with your Inner Protector, and much more. It offers you a visceral feeling sense of becoming Sacred Human AND an arising wonder!

Published: June, 2017

Written January through May, 2017

"Hello Jelelle, I found your book at a hostel in Bali, Indonesia few days ago. I was attracted by the first few pages and then I asked the host if I can get the book. Then I pay her money as contribution. So now I travel with your book. And I can't wait to finish reading this book. I love it. It's like bringing me to another world. I love the lines and the connections you shared. Thanks for sharing. I try to find my time to read read about this kind of book. I'm so interested to know more about our source. I wish to have more books like this. Thank you!"     - Evelyn


Keep Waking Up!:
Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond
By Jelelle Awen

"This ‘book’ came flowing out during a time of intense awakening experiences for me over a four-month period in 2015. I wrote down every day what was happening to me, what I was experiencing and what I was digesting, in order to share it in this form. I didn’t edit much at all what came out because I wanted to share my experience as viscerally as possible, as raw as possible.


I have a fondness in my heart and soul for this the writing in this book as so many of the pieces of my soul’s puzzle were revealed to me during this time of ‘Keep Waking Up!’. We were living on a remote ranch at the time, off-grid, without Internet or electricity, and with more sheep around us than people. Nature and Mother Gaia held the space for so much of the process that I describe in this book."

Keep Waking Up!, Jelelle Awen

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Keep Waking Up! takes you on an awakening journey of heart and soul consciousness. Experience along with author Jelelle Awen how your assumptions can be shaken, possibly deeply suppressed memories provoked, and preconceived ideas about the nature of reality challenged.This book explores reality beyond the limitations of our five senses-based, body-mind filtering, which offers a goodness that is possible beyond this dimension with Ethereal BEings and guides who are supportive and offer a strong mirror of our capacity as sacred humans.

Living on a remote, off-grid ranch in Mexico without electricity or internet or distractions allowed nature to hold the space for the intense explorations and soul remembrances that occurred for Jelelle over a four month period. Jelelle shares her daily writings in this book, often written immediately after intense meditative journeys and downloaded raw and without much filtering or editing. This visceral method of sharing allows you to be transported into the magical realms and dimensions Jelelle experiences along the way.


You come along as she receives strong infusions of kundalini energies, explores other lifetime memories and karmic patterns, and rediscovers her star seed origins through the doorway of holding space for emotional trauma from experiencing abductions from the age of 8 until 17 years old. Jelelle digests her journey through the lens of parts work or working with subpersonalities, a profoundly effective process she has been engaged with personally and with others for more than 13 years. 

Jelelle also awakens to the realization of Ethereal Beings polarized to fear frequencies, usually called Archons or Reptilians, who have created a third dimensional matrix to cap human consciousness at a lower frequency of pain and fear. She digests this information with her guides and comes to claim her role as love ambassador to these Beings, finding a path of negotiation that leads with love, not fear. 

Keep Waking Up! reveals and revels in the power that pure love has to heal and transform. The depth and breadth of what you experience from reading this book, the resonance that you feel, is up to you and what you are ready for. There are inconceivable new worlds that can be opened up to you - travels to the parallel dimension of Avalon and the Fifth Dimensional frequencies that Jelelle calls Golden Earth and beyond. It is your choice, as always, and the Universe breathes in anticipation around what happens next as you commit to Keep Waking Up!

Published: March, 2017

Written August through December, 2015

"This book provides a beautiful example of how we can heal ourselves, each other, and our earth. Through holding space and exploring soul remembrances, Jelelle demonstrates how we can negotiate with love, not fear, with parts work to accomplish great healing and transformation. Through her experiences and journeys in other dimensions, I learned so much about this process that offers a way to investigate what we hold inside of ourselves. I have been familiar with reincarnation, angels, guides, dark night of the soul, dream work, visions, healing, mind/body/spirit work, shamanism and alternative world views for many decades but this beautiful book really brought these elements (and more) into something so much larger – to show me the bigger picture and what I am capable of to align my life to the light of Love. I have started to incorporate this process into my life and already I can feel a positive and healing shift in my energy. The book is well written and I honestly had a hard time putting it down.I am thankful to Jelelle for opening her heart and soul to share this incredible journey."     - Sonya J, via

"I read your Keeping Waking Up! book in a couple of days.  I really could not "put it down"! Thankfully time was with me, and I could immerse. It brought up a lot of primal life questions.  It altered me, and I was actually not very reachable by others during that two days, I really was in the container of the book and still feel to be in the container.  A different lens!"     - Julie 


Co-Founder, Teacher, Facilitator, Author

Co-Founder, Teacher, Facilitator, Author


If you attend a local/virtual event and/or book a session, you can receive a free copy of Free To Be 5D in PDF version & audiobook read in Jelelle's voice to support you in and provide bigger context for your Divine Self Embodiment process.  

Free To Be 5D: Navigating Ascension From The Inside Out

Get in Touch

Raphael Awen: WhatsApp, Signal or Telegram +351 967 663 414

Folques, Portugal

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