The Scariness of Intimacy & The Gifts Too

The retraction into self isolation after break ups/disappointments/dissolutions is so understandable for a phase. Yet so many souls seem to be in ongoing and prolonged isolation when it comes to truly being seen and known and felt, even if they attend spiritual events or have lots of social connections online.

Being in the heart of intimacy with another soul or group of resonant souls where you truly feel seen and known, all parts of you, THIS is so scary to protective parts. I feel and have seen over and over through the years that nothing is scarier than truly being real, intimate, vulnerable, current, dropping strategies/presentations/masks with yourself, with others AND with the Divine. And this is most scary with an intimate partner, multiplied if they are a divine counterpart, twin flame, offering such a potent mirror of your bigness and your smallness.

It feels sometimes like I am burning up inside to be in intimacy like this ALL the time yet also nothing else (meditation, yoga, modalities, etc) allows the false to fall away, walls to dissolve, fears to drop and your Divine essence to embody in such a deep way as intimacy does.

I experience both the fear and the openings through it within myself with Raphael and also in the couple or few of us (esp with Raianna and Kasha) who live in this soul family devotion to radical intimacy with us. We haven’t grown into big numbers partly because we keep getting vulnerably guided to actually be non-inclusive, rather than yield to the unconditional love kind of inclusivity where everyone and anyone is welcome without any deeper getting to know each other/challenge each other or hold accountability together.

We have drawn a lot of kicking at times by others, being misunderstood and judgments and inversions too/accusations about our motives….because our advocacy with others of being self accountable, relational, kind yet not in a strategic way can push up such deep fears within them at times. I have compassion for this too even as this has deeply hurt parts of me at times (leading to more intimacy within myself and with the Divine in the processing of this hurt into vulnerability and not retraction).

Intimacy does hurt sometimes (sacred intimacy doesn’t intend to harm though) yet always, always it is worth it for the love that transacts through it. Nothing is scarier, yet nothing offers more freedom either as the fear is transmuted by love....

17 years ago, Raphael and I began our explorations into romantic intimacy together, drawn like magnets and so much collapsed once we chose the ground of being, living, and knowing each other in total devotion and commitment.

We choose to awaken through the bond, through the mirror of bigness, through the triggers, through the tensions, through navigating both the practical and the sacred. Through the crucible of service too and leadership and all it pushes up…..and here we are, still in the commitment of it, in the choosing of it, not as an action or obligation yet just as a beingness expression of our Divine selves in every moment.

So much is idolized and projected onto about the divine masculine and divine feminine and sacred union itself. The ideologies are only scaffolding though compared to living in the actual building and temple of it day after day for years and years. It is both much more challenging and much more beautiful than the projections.

Thank you my beloved masculine Raphael for claiming this, all of this with me and with yourself. Into the next moment and next, together.

if your heart/soul is drawn to be in intimacy with us/me/yourself/divine at deeper levels, PM me/us and see what unfolds and opens even with fear/resistance being present and responded to with love with more info about 1:1 and couples sessions one-time or ongoing mentoring with us and immersion visits here at Harmonia House.